What a wonderful few days it as been! The sun has been out, the weather is dry. The kids and I have been getting to play outside more and it feels WONDERFUL! The winter blues have really hit me hard this year, so I am grateful for the short respite we are getting. I know it won't last, but it helps!
Today was so much fun. We (the kids and I) went out to OC to visit Angie and her kiddos. We went to a park and had lunch, the kids played on the playground and had a great time rolling down grassy hills, kicking balls around and picking flowers to make daisy chains with. Then we went back to Angie's house where they played some more, and got to have a homemade, fresh from the oven brownie. Ang and I got to sit and talk, it was nice. After we got home, I cleaned up the garage a bit while the older two rode bikes with their friends. After dinner, we went to the glow golf lace for FHE.
Everyone is in bed now, except for me. I am headed that way soon. I like these small glimpses of springtime we get. I can't wait for the real thing!
Good night all!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Low again
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I am in a cycle of self destruction. I take my meds, I start to feel good, I get lazy and stop taking them because I feel good, then about three weeks later...BAM! I am down in the depression dumps again. It gets worse and worse. Right now I feel like I am just an empty shell of a person going through the motions of life. Doing what I have to to get by. That isn't fair to my kids or Steve. I have got to figure out a way to either get out of the depression issue altogether, or continue taking my meds. I honestly want to crawl under the computer desk, curl up into a ball and sleep for hours. I don't understand why I keep doing this. Anyone have any ideas?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Driving me to drink!
I know it is a good thing that I don't drink, because I would be a total closet alcoholic.
I swear, Rachie is trying to head me in that direction lately. Two days ago I went to get her after naptime to find that she had found a green Sharpie (permanent) marker that Becka had left out in their room and colored all over her brand new pink shirt and Becka's bedsheets. I realize that could have been worse, but I was still pretty mad. Today I am in the shower and Jake comes running in to tell me that she is shaking her milk cup and milk is getting on my bedspread. Usually she shakes it and only a few drops come out, so I asked Jake to take the cup from her. Next thing I know, he is yelling that the milk is all over the bed. I get out, dripping wet, and see that she has somehow dumped the whole cup of milk all over my bedspread. I am so mad! I saved up my money from my bazaar, Christmas and my birthday last year to buy it and it was $300! I wanted a nice comforter/pillow set to go with our new bedroom furniture. So, I blot as much as I can with my towel, hurry and get dressed and take it over to the cleaners. It is gonna cost me an arm and a leg to have a comforter that big cleaned. UGH!!!
I am waiting for the next thing to happen. You always hear that bad things happen in sets of three, right? I'm sure she will break something next. Ugh! My other two kiddos were never this "busy" and into things. I was lucky!
Anyway, I am admitting it now, if I knew what kind of alcohol actually tasted good, I might be tempted to go and have some just to calm me down. Although I am pretty sure I would be a hyper, annoying, obnoxious drunk. Instead, I am trying my best to ignore my instant craving for a pint of Ben & Jerry's and am gulping down Crystal Light as fast and I can.
Somebody save me from my two year old!!!
I swear, Rachie is trying to head me in that direction lately. Two days ago I went to get her after naptime to find that she had found a green Sharpie (permanent) marker that Becka had left out in their room and colored all over her brand new pink shirt and Becka's bedsheets. I realize that could have been worse, but I was still pretty mad. Today I am in the shower and Jake comes running in to tell me that she is shaking her milk cup and milk is getting on my bedspread. Usually she shakes it and only a few drops come out, so I asked Jake to take the cup from her. Next thing I know, he is yelling that the milk is all over the bed. I get out, dripping wet, and see that she has somehow dumped the whole cup of milk all over my bedspread. I am so mad! I saved up my money from my bazaar, Christmas and my birthday last year to buy it and it was $300! I wanted a nice comforter/pillow set to go with our new bedroom furniture. So, I blot as much as I can with my towel, hurry and get dressed and take it over to the cleaners. It is gonna cost me an arm and a leg to have a comforter that big cleaned. UGH!!!
I am waiting for the next thing to happen. You always hear that bad things happen in sets of three, right? I'm sure she will break something next. Ugh! My other two kiddos were never this "busy" and into things. I was lucky!
Anyway, I am admitting it now, if I knew what kind of alcohol actually tasted good, I might be tempted to go and have some just to calm me down. Although I am pretty sure I would be a hyper, annoying, obnoxious drunk. Instead, I am trying my best to ignore my instant craving for a pint of Ben & Jerry's and am gulping down Crystal Light as fast and I can.
Somebody save me from my two year old!!!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Sunday
Oh my heck, I am feeling so much better today. Still weak, and a bit tired, but so much better!
We went to Lexi's blessing today and it was nice. All the family (in the area) came, so we took up a whole long bench plus part of another. Poor Grandma was in the middle of about 7 of the grandkids! It was nice actually having Steve there to sit with me. I miss that!
After the blessing, we went over ot Dana and Derek's house to have lunch and visit, and watch the Superbowl (sort of). I was pretty tired, and a bit sick to my stomach, but I think that was because I hadn't eaten for a while because after I got something in my tummy I felt better. I got to spend time holding the babies, Kaitlin (7 months) and Lexi (2 months). It was fun. The kids were really good too. Rachie was so grouchy and I finally got her to sleep in Kylie's bed, but when she woke up, she was scared because it was dark (6:30pm) and she didn't know where she was. Poor girl was screaming when I got her. She was pretty sad the rest of the night. I think she was also hungry because she hadn't eaten her lunch very well.
On the way home, Becka said she isn't feeling well, and she started crying about her homework. I am afraid she is gonna get what the other kids and I had. I hope hers isn't too bad. Poor girl! I was hoping that most of the family wouldn't get this icky sickness. She has been asleep for about 3 hours now, now throwing up, so I am hoping that is a good sign.
Jakey lost his tooth tonight. He has been trying to get it out for about a week and he was so excited when it finally came out! Now I just have to remember to be the tooth fairy!
Tomorrow is Jason's birthday. I am gonna try to call him, but ever since they moved to Colombia, I can never get anyone to answer the phone when I call, and I never get a return to my messages. They have Vonage as their phone service, so their number is still the local one that they had here. It is nice!
Off to bed. I have to give this house a thorough cleaning tomorrow. Steve shampooed the family room carpet yesterday, so at least I won't have to worry about that. Because I have been washing so many towels, sheets/blankets that have been thrown up on, I am behind on the regular laundry. I really need to work on that. I also want to get the garage cleaned up. It is ridiculous. I still have the xmas boxes in the house because there isn't a spot for them out in the garage and Steve won't put them in the attic. I was waiting for him to be home on a Saturday to help me in the garage, but he is always gone with church stuff, so I am gonna have to do it alone. I really hope I can get this stuff done. I am starting to feel like I wish I could just get rid of EVERYTHING in my house and start fresh. I am way too sentimental about my things though, so I know that won't ever happen.
We went to Lexi's blessing today and it was nice. All the family (in the area) came, so we took up a whole long bench plus part of another. Poor Grandma was in the middle of about 7 of the grandkids! It was nice actually having Steve there to sit with me. I miss that!
After the blessing, we went over ot Dana and Derek's house to have lunch and visit, and watch the Superbowl (sort of). I was pretty tired, and a bit sick to my stomach, but I think that was because I hadn't eaten for a while because after I got something in my tummy I felt better. I got to spend time holding the babies, Kaitlin (7 months) and Lexi (2 months). It was fun. The kids were really good too. Rachie was so grouchy and I finally got her to sleep in Kylie's bed, but when she woke up, she was scared because it was dark (6:30pm) and she didn't know where she was. Poor girl was screaming when I got her. She was pretty sad the rest of the night. I think she was also hungry because she hadn't eaten her lunch very well.
On the way home, Becka said she isn't feeling well, and she started crying about her homework. I am afraid she is gonna get what the other kids and I had. I hope hers isn't too bad. Poor girl! I was hoping that most of the family wouldn't get this icky sickness. She has been asleep for about 3 hours now, now throwing up, so I am hoping that is a good sign.
Jakey lost his tooth tonight. He has been trying to get it out for about a week and he was so excited when it finally came out! Now I just have to remember to be the tooth fairy!
Tomorrow is Jason's birthday. I am gonna try to call him, but ever since they moved to Colombia, I can never get anyone to answer the phone when I call, and I never get a return to my messages. They have Vonage as their phone service, so their number is still the local one that they had here. It is nice!
Off to bed. I have to give this house a thorough cleaning tomorrow. Steve shampooed the family room carpet yesterday, so at least I won't have to worry about that. Because I have been washing so many towels, sheets/blankets that have been thrown up on, I am behind on the regular laundry. I really need to work on that. I also want to get the garage cleaned up. It is ridiculous. I still have the xmas boxes in the house because there isn't a spot for them out in the garage and Steve won't put them in the attic. I was waiting for him to be home on a Saturday to help me in the garage, but he is always gone with church stuff, so I am gonna have to do it alone. I really hope I can get this stuff done. I am starting to feel like I wish I could just get rid of EVERYTHING in my house and start fresh. I am way too sentimental about my things though, so I know that won't ever happen.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Week of heck!
Well, Jake didn't have food poisoning after al. Rachel came down with the pukey sickness on Monday. It was hard because we had a snow that day, so the kids were outside playing, but I wouldn't let her go and she was very upset about that. Wednesday adn Thursday she had several bad diarrhea diapers, and then on Thursday night she threw up again. Steve gave her a blessing then and she actually slept well that night and was better on Friday morning.
I started feeling cruddy yesterday afternoon, and today Ihave been in bed with what the kids had. I feel terrible about it because today is Steve's birthday and he has had to take care of everyone and not have any fun! I am also sad because I missed Pres. Hinckley's funeral broadcast this morning and Becka first bball game this afternoon. I am starting to feel a bit better now though. I ate a bit and am sitting here typing, which I would not have been able to do a couple of hours ago. Tomorrow is my niece Lexi's blessing at church, so I hope I am well enough to go to that.
I am gonna cut this one short, I will fill in more details later, I am starting to feel yucky again. Back to bed I go.
I started feeling cruddy yesterday afternoon, and today Ihave been in bed with what the kids had. I feel terrible about it because today is Steve's birthday and he has had to take care of everyone and not have any fun! I am also sad because I missed Pres. Hinckley's funeral broadcast this morning and Becka first bball game this afternoon. I am starting to feel a bit better now though. I ate a bit and am sitting here typing, which I would not have been able to do a couple of hours ago. Tomorrow is my niece Lexi's blessing at church, so I hope I am well enough to go to that.
I am gonna cut this one short, I will fill in more details later, I am starting to feel yucky again. Back to bed I go.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Another week
Whew, another whirlwind week has gone by. Becka started basketball practice last Tuesday, so that adds another element to our crazy schedule. Her games start on Saturday too.
Jake had what I think was food poisoning yesterday. Poor baby was up all Friday night throwing up and kept on all day yesterday. Today he is fine, except that his tummy still hurts a bit (I think it is his sore muscles from dry heaving so much).
Steve was gone most of the week again. I am beginning to feel resentful again. I wish I could just quit being such a freaking baby and deal with it. It makes me sad though when the kids get upset because he has a meeting to go to, or Rachel wanders around the house calling for him.
Melissa came over last night and we were supposed to work on some banners so she can advertise her Advocare business. Of course, we didn't get any of that done. We ate, watched "The Sound of Music" with the kids and then she fell asleep around 9 pm. She ended up staying the night, which was fun. We were lazy today. I dropped Becka off at church and stayed home with Jake and Rachie. I think Jake probably could have gone, but he was still weak and I wanted to be sure he would be rested enough to go to school tomorrow.
Right now I feel like uck. I am really tired still and have a headache. I hope that I can take a bath or get some alone time tonight. Jake wants to play Sorry with the family, I hope Rach cooperates with that. Usually she messes up our games. Poor kid just wants to be included!
Becka had a good week. She has been really trying hard lately to have a better attitude and be helpful. I was so proud of one of the things she did. At the kids' school, they get "caught being good" tickets from teachers when they do things that are kind or helpful. They put their name on it and stick it in a box in the office, and on Fridays, the principal draws a few names and the kids get prizes. Becka got 4 last week, and she erased her name from 2 of them and put Jake's name on so he would have a chance to win. I was shocked! She hasn't been that thoughtful toward anyone, especially Jake, in a long time!
We had the kids' pictures taken on Friday. Rachel was a brat! She cried and wouldn't cooperate. They managed to get a couple good poses with all three of the kids, and there are a few that are cute of just Jake and Becka. I will post my favorite at the end of this blog. Steve is needing my help. I will bbl! H
Jake had what I think was food poisoning yesterday. Poor baby was up all Friday night throwing up and kept on all day yesterday. Today he is fine, except that his tummy still hurts a bit (I think it is his sore muscles from dry heaving so much).
Steve was gone most of the week again. I am beginning to feel resentful again. I wish I could just quit being such a freaking baby and deal with it. It makes me sad though when the kids get upset because he has a meeting to go to, or Rachel wanders around the house calling for him.
Melissa came over last night and we were supposed to work on some banners so she can advertise her Advocare business. Of course, we didn't get any of that done. We ate, watched "The Sound of Music" with the kids and then she fell asleep around 9 pm. She ended up staying the night, which was fun. We were lazy today. I dropped Becka off at church and stayed home with Jake and Rachie. I think Jake probably could have gone, but he was still weak and I wanted to be sure he would be rested enough to go to school tomorrow.
Right now I feel like uck. I am really tired still and have a headache. I hope that I can take a bath or get some alone time tonight. Jake wants to play Sorry with the family, I hope Rach cooperates with that. Usually she messes up our games. Poor kid just wants to be included!
Becka had a good week. She has been really trying hard lately to have a better attitude and be helpful. I was so proud of one of the things she did. At the kids' school, they get "caught being good" tickets from teachers when they do things that are kind or helpful. They put their name on it and stick it in a box in the office, and on Fridays, the principal draws a few names and the kids get prizes. Becka got 4 last week, and she erased her name from 2 of them and put Jake's name on so he would have a chance to win. I was shocked! She hasn't been that thoughtful toward anyone, especially Jake, in a long time!
We had the kids' pictures taken on Friday. Rachel was a brat! She cried and wouldn't cooperate. They managed to get a couple good poses with all three of the kids, and there are a few that are cute of just Jake and Becka. I will post my favorite at the end of this blog. Steve is needing my help. I will bbl! H
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Snow!
It is snowing! How fun! I wish it would stick.
Took Jake to his pediatrician this morning and asked about getting tubes again. The doc wasn't exactly for it, but I think I will do it anyway. My poor boy is getting a really bad ear infection at least every other month and it almost always perforates his eardrum. I hate having him hurt so bad, plus it affects his hearing.
On my last post, when I was complaining about my rotten week, I forgot to mention that our outside fridge/freezer went out and we lost probably about $200 worth of food. I was so upset. That was my extra for when we don't have enough money, plus I had several pounds of ground beef in there. I swear, life is getting more and more complicated! Going down to only one fridge when you are used to having two is interesting! Ours is jam packed full now. Makes it seem like we have more than we really do.
I am trying to be better about cooking at home and using leftovers. We haven't been doing so great lately. Last night I made the homemade potato soup and it was so nice! Jake had 2 bowls of it, Rachie ate three helpings! I also made the jello pretzel salad, so we had a nummy dessert. Haven't decided what I am making for tonight. Might be something with some chicken or maybe just mac and cheese. I am feeling lazy!
Steve is going on another campout with the scouts this weekend. He is always grumping at me when I want to go somewhere and scrapbook or something, but then he goes off with the scouts once a month. I know it is different, he goes as a scout leader, but I still feel like he is just being difficult. I really need to get out of the house sometimes. After being in here all day long, I have got to get out once in a while. He feels the opposite because he is gone at work so much. I wish he could understand how I feel sometimes.
Since the kids have Monday off of school, we are going to go over to my mom's house and while they play, Mom and I are gonna work on Rachie's bedding for her new bed. I am excited! It will be so darn cute! Saturday, Steve and I were planning on finishing up replacing the light switches and then cleaning out the garage and possibly taking the broken fridge over to the dump. Now that he will be gone, who knows when that will get done??? I hate the condition of the house. I can never get ahead because I am always following them around, cleaning up what they are messing up this time. I would love to have time to do something fun for me, like work on my scrapbooks or practice making my hair bows. But if I do that, I am neglecting something else that needs done. I am so close to just boxing all our stuff up and taking it to Goodwill and starting over. Wouldn't that be nice? Someday I hope to have some time for just me, without feeling guilty!
Took Jake to his pediatrician this morning and asked about getting tubes again. The doc wasn't exactly for it, but I think I will do it anyway. My poor boy is getting a really bad ear infection at least every other month and it almost always perforates his eardrum. I hate having him hurt so bad, plus it affects his hearing.
On my last post, when I was complaining about my rotten week, I forgot to mention that our outside fridge/freezer went out and we lost probably about $200 worth of food. I was so upset. That was my extra for when we don't have enough money, plus I had several pounds of ground beef in there. I swear, life is getting more and more complicated! Going down to only one fridge when you are used to having two is interesting! Ours is jam packed full now. Makes it seem like we have more than we really do.
I am trying to be better about cooking at home and using leftovers. We haven't been doing so great lately. Last night I made the homemade potato soup and it was so nice! Jake had 2 bowls of it, Rachie ate three helpings! I also made the jello pretzel salad, so we had a nummy dessert. Haven't decided what I am making for tonight. Might be something with some chicken or maybe just mac and cheese. I am feeling lazy!
Steve is going on another campout with the scouts this weekend. He is always grumping at me when I want to go somewhere and scrapbook or something, but then he goes off with the scouts once a month. I know it is different, he goes as a scout leader, but I still feel like he is just being difficult. I really need to get out of the house sometimes. After being in here all day long, I have got to get out once in a while. He feels the opposite because he is gone at work so much. I wish he could understand how I feel sometimes.
Since the kids have Monday off of school, we are going to go over to my mom's house and while they play, Mom and I are gonna work on Rachie's bedding for her new bed. I am excited! It will be so darn cute! Saturday, Steve and I were planning on finishing up replacing the light switches and then cleaning out the garage and possibly taking the broken fridge over to the dump. Now that he will be gone, who knows when that will get done??? I hate the condition of the house. I can never get ahead because I am always following them around, cleaning up what they are messing up this time. I would love to have time to do something fun for me, like work on my scrapbooks or practice making my hair bows. But if I do that, I am neglecting something else that needs done. I am so close to just boxing all our stuff up and taking it to Goodwill and starting over. Wouldn't that be nice? Someday I hope to have some time for just me, without feeling guilty!
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