An achy feeling

Today is turning out to be a stressful day (my u/s to check Baby Bean's heart is at 1:30), so after storytime I decided to indulge in a little food therapy. Yes, I know that is bad, but come on people, look at me, obviously I use food to comfort myself! Rachel and I went to lunch together at Wendy's. I was good, ordered a small chili and water. Anyway, a lady and her little boy were sitting at a table nearby and having lunch with her dad. I watched them and wished so badly that I could have my dad here with me for one more lunch date like that. The grandpa was so happy to be there with them and he was playing with his grandson. I wanted to cry. Rachel never even got a chance to know my dad, he died before she was born. I miss him so much, especially lately with all the pregnancy crud that has been happening. I would give anything to have him play with her and give me a hug. He was such a good Papa to my kids and Dad to me (& Steve). Always calling to see how we were doing and helping us when we needed it. I miss talking to him about anything and everything and getting his advice or opinions on things. He was one of my best friends and I don't understand why I had to lose him so early. People always ask if his death was unexpected, and I never know quite how to answer that question. He was so sick my whole life, we all knew that he would die "early," but I guess I never thought that it would happen so soon. I was barely 29. I still need a dad, my kids need their papa. I think I always assumed it would be after I was done having kids, maybe when they were high school/college age. I never dreamed that I would be having babies without him here to share in the joy.
I don't know why it hit me so hard today. Must be the crazy pregnancy hormones or something. I see grandpas with their grandkids all the time, but something about this grandpa reminded me of my dad. It's been almost 6 years, you would think I'd have learned to deal with it by now. :)
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to end up being a novel. I tend to use my blog as a journal at times, and sort of go "stream of consciousness" with my writing.
OK, I am off to the specialist now. They told me that a doctor there would give me my results today, so hopefully I will have some good news when I return.