Is it even worth it?

Ya know, I am sitting here wondering why I even get up in the mornings. I have been crying off and on since I put the kids to bed because I keep thinking about how tomorrow, when I get up, Becka will start yelling and screaming at me again all day long. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I am getting so tired of being told that I am an idiot, I never do anything right and I am a horrible mom and she hates me. I feel like I did when I was a kid. Nothing I did was ever good enough for my mom and now the same thing is true with Becka. It hurt when I heard it from my mom, but I have discovered that it hurts worse when it is your child. Nothing I try helps. I am ready to give up. How is that for pathetic? What kind of mom says that about her kid?
Wish me luck tomorrow. Maybe it will be a good day...we can always hope, right?

Icky sicky

Of course I get sick now. I have SO much to do with Super Saturday coming up and Becka was sick yesterday, Jake has an ear infection and I think Rachie is coming down with something too. She is a MONSTER today! I am chugging the airborne stuff and taking meds at night so hopefully I can sleep. I just pray that it gets better by Saturday or it will be a really long, hard day for me. Anyone have any good cold medicines that don't make you drowsy?

Since I was playing with blinkies, I decided to try out an avatar. This is getting fun!!!

Fun!

I made my first blinkies today. They are very plain, but I had a fun time making them. I made one for Melissa and one for me. They are about the book series we are currently hooked on. Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer. The next book is coming out sometime next fall. I hate the wait! Melissa loves Edward Cullen (the vampire) and I like Jacob Black (the werewolf). Here they are!





Go to www.stepheniemeyer.com to learn more about these books. I promise you will love them!!!

More issues

I got a call from the nurse last week with my u/s results. She told me that the doc said I either needed to have surgery or I could try and take my new meds for a bit longer and see if that helps. I was like, um...what is the surgery? She said either the ablation or a hysterectomy. I told her that, no, I didn't want either one of those because I want to have more kids. She said, "well, I will make a note of that, but the meds really aren't going to be a long term solution. I will have the doctor call you tomorrow." So, now I am in a panic. Crying, stressing, etc. The next day, my regular nurse calls and says that the doc just wants me to give the new meds a full three months and then see me and we will see what has changed from there. WTH? The other nurse made it sound like I HAD to have a hysterectomy, and my regular one is telling me it is ok to wait and see. Ugh! I hate that I spent hours worrying and researching and freaking out. From now on, remind me to only listen to my real nurse, not the assistant one, ok?

cleaning fool!

So, I finally got sick of the disaster in the girls' room, and today I started cleaning it. It amazes me the things I find in there. Candy wrappers from last Valentine's Day, broken toys, clothes that she swears I lost in the laundry months ago. It feels good to make the space clean again, I just wish I was doing it in my room or downstairs instead of in their room! I wish I would have taken before and after photos. Its was bad!

How rude!

OK, so, I know he didn't mean it to be rude, but the checker man at Walmart really made me mad. I took all three kids in with me to refill my birth control prescription. This may be TMI, but I have to take this medication for several months because of some really bad bleeding issues I have been having. It is what I am doing to hopefully avoid having a hysterectomy. I don't want to take it, I want to have another baby, we have fertility issues.

Sorry, back to the issue at hand. When I went up to the counter to pay for it, all three kids were standing there with me and the checker guy goes,"Are you sure you want to take these pills, don't you want to just forget them and have another beautiful baby like these three right here?"

I was torn between wanting to burst into tears and wanting to punch him in the mouth. I still remember a thing or two from my kickboxing classes. I just couldn't believe he would say something like that to someone. Aren't prescriptions supposed to be private? I know it was BC, but he doesn't know why I am taking it. I am sure he thought he was being cute and funny, complimenting me on my kids, but I was shocked.

I know I shouldn't get my feelings hurt. People don't mean to make me feel bad about not being able to have kids easily, but it sure seems like everyone around me is making comments about that very thing lately.