Will I ever be "normal" again?

I feel like such an awful mom/wife. I look back at the last several months and see how much I haven't done for my family. I am hoping it's because of this miserable pregnancy and that after Ladybug comes out to play, I will be able to get back into the swing of things. I can't remember the last time I made cookies for/with my kiddos, or played outside with them. I am always too tired or feeling sick to do things that I normally would do. Don't even let me get started on the state of the house. It is ridiculous. I haven't done anything but the barest of essentials for a long time, and especially after being sick for the past several weeks, I am so behind that just thinking about doing any of it makes me want to cry. So, I usually just give up part way through. I have been having dreams at night where I go into labor early or have some gathering planned and when people come and see my house they start yelling at me and saying how lazy and horrible I am because it is such a disaster. I just feel like I can't keep up with anything. I am horrible about remembering to do any of my church stuff, I have had a few people who have gotten on my case about that. Sometimes I think it might be a good idea for me to just hide in a hole until I have this baby and can feel human again. I feel like I am always busy doing something, but nothing seems to get done. Between preschool, soccer practices and games, helping at Jake's school, dance lessons, storytime, Mutual, dance festival practice, Scouts, doctor's appointments, swim lessons, driving kids everywhere, etc, I am just worn out. I'm sure Steve would like to know when I am ever going to be me again. I just keep thinking ahead to when the baby comes and by then we will be done with the lessons and sports and so some of the crazy stuff will slow down. I have thought about how nice it will be this summer when I can just relax and do nothing all day long with the kids. I am praying that I don't have a hard recovery from the c-section so that I can actually do fun things again as soon as possible. I miss doing the fun things with my family, and having a (semi) clean house. I would love to be able to have people come over without going into a panic and rushing around like a crazy person hiding the piles of laundry and other junk, and cleaning up as fast as I possibly can. Oh, and making sure no one goes upstairs, since it's pretty much a death trap up here. I keep trying to get the kids and Steve to help me out more, but it doesn't really work well. I am slowly purging through our stuff. We have WAY too much stuff in this house. I've gone through Becka's stuff and Jake's, Steve and I did most of our room, still need to tackle our closet (shudder), and last weekend we started on the garage. Need to work on Rachie's stuff, and then the kitchen, entry and downstairs closet. Hopefully I can do all of this before the baby comes so that I can actually relax and enjoy her while I am recovering. I plan on taking it very easy after this surgery. I have always done too much with the others, and especially the last time, I paid for it. I plan on hibernating in my house for at least two weeks doing nothing unless I absolutely have to. I want to make some freezer meals and plan my menus so I don't have to think much about cooking. I just hope my family understands why I have been the way I have and I hope that they can forgive me.

This past week has been busy and fun! Aside from the regular stuff (preschool, storytime, dance, soccer, activity days, mutual), I had a doctor appt on Friday. I am measuring right on schedule and Ladybug is doing great. The doctor kind of cracked me up when he asked about my blood sugars and how I was doing following the diet. He was like, "you don't have to follow it as exactly as they are trying to pound into you, you're having a c-section anyway." I was surprised to hear that out of a doctor's mouth, but it did make me feel a bit better about the times when I just need a scoop of ice cream or maybe a few french fries. The big thing when I was expecting Jake and doing this was trying to keep him small enough that I could have a VBAC. This time, that isn't an option, so I guess I am ok to cheat every so often.

My birthday was last week on Friday. It was a nice day/weekend. Friday, Steve came home from work early and we went to lunch adn the did a few errands. That night Melissa came over and took me to have my free birthday ice cream at Coldstone. The next day was Jake's first Pinewood derby. His car won every race! He is so excited to go to regionals. After that, Catalina took me for a surprise trip to her salon where she paid for her hair lady to cut and color my hair and for me to have a manicure. It was so nice! I feel a bit bad, because I know it was expensive for her, but at the same time, I loved every second of it! After that, we went to my mom's house and had a fancy dinner with Steve's famous grilled chicken, cheese and chocolate fondue, and birthday cake. Yum-o! Sunday evening we went to Steve's parents' house and got to visit with (almost) everyone, and meet Baby Lukas! He is so so cute! We did a mini photo session with him, poor baby! I think he thought we were torturing him. He was such a good sport about it though. It was one of the best birthdays I think I have had in a long time!

Today has been a weird sort of day. My emotions are very close to the surface and I keep starting to cry at random times for no apparent reason. I think maybe I am just tired. Plus, the lesson in YW was about father's blessings and that made me think about my dad, which almost always sets me off. So the plan for this afternoon and evening is to just be lazy and relax. New Moon came out on DVD yesterday and I think I am gonna take over the TV downstairs and watch it.

It's finally going away!

After two weeks, I am thinking I am finally getting better! I still cough occasionally, but not nearly as often and I actually got a little bit of sleep the other night. Last night was bad again, not sure why, but so far today I'm good! I thought it was never going to end!

I had my gestational diabetes class last week and went in for a follow up yesterday. I have to go back again in a couple of weeks because I had lost two pounds since Thursday and the lady doesn't think I am eating enough. I tried to explain that it was most likely my clothes, but she wouldn't listen. I don't know what the big deal is. At my weight, losing two pounds, even when I am pregnant isn't that big of a deal. I can understand if I had started this pregnancy at a healthy or even underweight, but I have lots of extra padding to spare. I hardly gained any weight with Jake, same when I was expecting Rachie, so I am used to this pattern. My doc isn't worried either. Oh well, I guess I need to make the diabetes lady happy too. But when I go in again and I weigh the same as now, I hope she doesn't freak out.

We are official!

Looks like our little ladybug will be here on May 21 at 7:30am! It is so nice to have an end in sight! :)

It pays to be brave!

I am so happy! I showed to doctor my blood sugar numbers yesterday and he agreed that they are too high. He is sending me to the dietitian so I can hopefully get help in keeping them under control. We also decided to schedule my c-section for May 22.
I am feeling guilty about that, because Rachel's dance recital is that night, but it's the only way I can make the c-section thing work. I want to try and keep this baby under ten pounds so she won't have to be poked and prodded as much as Rach was. I am hoping that Rachie will forgive me. Steve, Becka, Jake and her grandparents, and some aunts/uncles and cousins will be there, so I am pretty sure she will be just fine. I am making Steve record the whole thing so that I can watch it the next day.
Rachie seems to be doing better, at least she isn't coughing as much as she was yesterday. I actually didn't even hear her cough once last night. My throat is pretty sore, but I think it is just a morning thing. I was stuffy last night and I probably breathed through my mouth a bit. I hope it goes away so that we can go to dance class today!

Icky sicky

It started with Rachel, now Jake has it and I have a feeling that I'm next. It's really not fair that I am getting it, especially since I can't take any medicine and I'm the mom, which we all know means that even if I get sick, I'm not allowed to actually be sick.
I would like to officially un-invite any germs who thought they were welcome in my home. I've been spraying everything with Lysol and wiping stuff with bleach, so hopefully we will get rid of these sickies before Becka and Dad get them too. I'm opening the windows to chase those germs away!

Ballerinas and Brides!

Rachie and Kylie after their first dance class together! They had lots of fun!!! I'm so happy that they have each other to play with!
Rachie playing dress up with Eesa's veil. She looks beautiful!