changes, blessings and new adventures

Here I am again, marveling at the many things I have been blessed with.  I need to start at the beginning, which takes us WAY back to about this time last year.
Once I realized that Hannah would be attending full day Kindergarten, I began to worry about getting a job.  Now, I promise I am not lazy.  I have worked when I needed to, had two jobs when Steve was in school and I was expecting Becka.  My main desire, goal and plan has always been to be a stay at home mom.  I honestly never wanted a career, never had an idea of what to study in school, etc.  I just really wanted to be a mom.  My  calling as mother has always been first and foremost in my mind (and thankfully Steve's) and I felt that even though my kids were in school, they still needed that security of knowing that I am home waiting for them and available whenever they need me.  I also felt guilty.  I was home with the other kids when they were in school, didn't Hannah deserve my attention as well?  Guilt is something I am very good at.
Anyway, I prayed and thought about the decision to go to work once school started.  I received an answer of not yet.  My impression was to take this school year off to continue my weight loss goals, work on organizing the house, take some time to do a few things that I have put aside in recent years.  I told Steve and he and I agreed to that plan.  Well, last fall, we started really looking at college costs for Becka and realizing just how dang expensive it is.  Steve started to really get worried.  He kept telling me I needed to get a job.  I was conflicted because I felt like I had already gotten my answer for this school year and I hadn't felt like anything needed to change.  But, I knew that if I was working, it would help pay off some bills and help contribute to Becka's schooling next year.  I prayed and fasted and went to the temple and prayed for an answer again.  My answer was the same.  Not now.  I was so confused.  On one hand, I had my husband asking me to please go ahead and do it now, and on the other hand, I had the Lord telling me no. It was a really strange place to be.  So, I applied for a part time job at the public library.  I felt really confident.  It was the perfect job for me.  I was fairly flexible with my hours if I needed to be, I had a letter of recommendation from a dear friend who is a librarian/teacher at the kids' school, I had great references, I have experience from volunteering at the schools for so many years that was some of what the job requirements mentioned.  They turned me down.   That was hard.  I started looking again, trying to find part time daytime only jobs is hard.  Everything I thought I could do had a requirement that I wasn't able to quite meet, or the position was filled by the time I found it online and inquired about it.  It was very discouraging.  I knew I could probably work retail someplace, but I just didn't want to go that route.  I knew that working retail would take me away from my family for more times than I felt was acceptable.

Fast forward to last week.  Thursday afternoon Steve called and told me that we had an appointment that evening with the new Stake President (who also happened to be our Bishop, he hadn't been released and replaced yet).  We joked about Steve being the new Bishop, but never really thought that's what it would be.  We figured it would be a call for him to be a counselor in the Bishopric.  I also slightly wondered if it might be for me.  Our stake and another stake had just been combined and split to create a new third stake and we lost a lot of leadership positions in YW and Camp when the two wards switched over to the new stake.

Nope.  Steve is the new Bishop of Vancouver 7th Ward.  We were both floored by the call and both feel very unqualified and nervous.  I know Steve will do an awesome job.  He has a way with people and is very good at serving others.  I, on the other hand, have ALWAYS said that I am not nice enough to be a bishop's wife.  I am scared to death that I won't be the right support to him or that I will offend someone and cause a problem.  I feel like people always like Steve, but tolerate me, lol.

So the whole job thing is glaringly obvious now.  There would be no way that I could have done that library job with Steve as Bishop.  He will be gone at least three nights a week and all day on Sundays.  The other jobs I looked into were too far away or had hours that wouldn't have worked either.  You'd think by now, I'd have learned to just trust my heavenly father when he tells me something, but I always second guess my answers and wonder if they are just me imagining what I want to be the answer.    Hopefully I can work on that.  :)

It hasn't even been a whole week since we received the call, and the blessings are already noticeable.  The kids aren't fighting as much and they are being more helpful.  Our marriage relationship has turned more tender and our bond feels stronger than it has ever felt.  We are remembering to say our prayers and spending time together as a family that almost always turns to a spiritual nature.  The biggest changes I see are in Steve and in myself.  He is softer somehow.  Not in a "girly" way, but has been obviously trying harder to be a better, more attentive father and husband.  I am calmer.  I have more patience with everything and everyone.  Even the dog!

I know that the next several years will bring stress and chaos and challenges to our lives, but if the last few days are any indicator of the blessings we will also receive, I am so grateful and excited.  I know it won't be easy, but I think that being the "Bishop's Wife" will be my favorite "calling" ever!