Why do I even try?

I don't even know why I try to go to church anymore. It is always a disaster!

I need to preface this by saying that Steve is in the bishopric, so he sits up in front on the stand with the Bishop. He isn't able to help me out with the kids during this meeting.

Here was yesterday:

We actually got to church about 10 minutes early. This was AMAZING! Usually we are about 20 minutes late. For some dumb reason, I took this as a sign that things would go well. Ha ha ha ha ha!
I get the kids sitting on a bench about 6 rows from the back after arguing with both Becka and Jake about where we would sit in the chapel. They both wanted to sit in the very front. Yeah, right! They were doing pretty good until Jake tried to take Rachel's Lambie. She screamed, "NO NO NO NO NO" at the top of her lungs, and continued to "yell" at Jake, so I took her out. Note: this was before the opening hymn. If I was smart, I would have just taken them all out into the foyer right then and there. I got her calmed down, talked with her about being reverent in Heavenly Father's house, and we went back in.
We made it another 15 minutes or so before Becka and Jake started arguing over an old cell phone I had in the bag for Rachel to play with. They were "whispering," but it was loud enough that the people in front of us were turning around because of the racket. I wrestle the cell phone away from Becka's death grip and that sets her off...big silent crocodile tears. Well, at least she is crying quietly.
Next, during the sacrament, Jake is bugging me about something but since he is on the other side of Becka, Rachel and the bag, I can't hear him, so I keep shushing him and giving him "the look." Have I mentioned that "the look" doesn't phase him at all? He just keeps "whispering" to me about something. I finally try to grab him and pull him over to me. He fights me, and sits quietly for the rest of the time the sacrament is being passed. Then, as soon as the first speaker gets up, he starts playing with his Ninja Turtle toy. That is ok, except for two things. Rachel wants the turtle, and he is pushing a button on its back that makes the stick the turtle is holding twirl around. Again, this, combined with Rachel's "mine!" is loud enough that the people on the bench in front of us (whose kids, age 2 and about 6 months, are being perfectly still and quiet) turn around and look at us.
I try, (unsuccessfully) to pull him over to me about three more times. Finally, I stood up, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out. He is dragging his feet, shoving away from me all the way down the aisle and out into the foyer. I call this the "walk of shame." Everyone in the back half of the chapel is now staring at me. Some laughing, some grumbling.
I must remind you that now Jake and I are out in the foyer...which left Rachel and Rebekah alone in the chapel. I knew that would not go well, so after I got Jake calmed down, I went back in. Apparently (Steve told me this after church), Rachel had taken off, running up the aisle toward the stand and poor Becka had to chase her and bring her back. I only saw that every toy in our bag had been dumped out, her baggie of cereal was spilled all over the bench and Becka was trying to clean everything up.
I think we sat there for about 30 seconds before Rachel and Jake started fighting over a hymn book (there were two there, but, of course, they both wanted to look at the same one) and Becka started mouthing off to me when I asked her to scoot over. She didn't want to sit by Jake. She announced (in a normal voice, not even a whisper) that "Jake stinks!" So, I stood up, with Rachel in one arm, and Becka's and Jake's hands in the other, marched out again and made them all sit on the couch in the foyer. I spent the remaining 40 minutes of the meeting out there, telling Becka to quit kicking at Jake, telling Jake to stop running around in circles and trying to teach Rachel to share with another little boy who was out there with his mom. It would have been easier to just have stayed at home an extra hour and taken them when Sunday School started.
I swear, I am the only one who deals with this. I never notice anyone else fighting with their kids as much as I do. Becka and Jake are plenty old enough to sit for an hour quietly. I let them draw, look at books, etc. Becka should be big enough to listen tot he speakers and participate in the singing, etc. What am I doing wrong???